I remember sitting in the car, hearing the low murmur of the engine, the soft lull of the music, and looking into the eyes of my former boyfriend as we discussed whether or not to pursue with a committed long-distance relationship when I left for college. It was winter break of my first year at the University of Denver—the time of year when most girls rekindle their relationships with their former lovers—when I first began to ponder the consequences of being in a long-distance relationship in college. I realized that I had to grapple with the benefits of a romantic relationship—love, respect, and companionship, just to name a few—with the toll it might take while being in college. When I talked to my significant other in the car, I concluded that the time and energy it takes to have a long distance romantic relationship would not be conducive to my college lifestyle. Relationships—especially long-distance romantic relationships—require maintenance. Maintaining a long-distance committed relationship with a significant other hinders first-year college students’ ability to focus on class work and extracurricular activities.
On the first day of college, I remember being bombarded by vivacious soccer players willing to help carry my luggage into my new room; fresh first-years scurried around their dorms in attempt to assimilate with as many people as possible; roommates awkwardly greeted each other, and parents said their farewells. The next couple of weeks consisted of intense course readings, followed by intense parties on the weekends. Some first-year students lost their heads upon entering into a landscape of complete freedom, and many students’ relationships suffered because of the excitement. Girls in particular started to whine and complain about how their boyfriends no longer trusted them to go out for weekend parties. An article from the Journal of the International Association for Relationship Research noted that in 2002 Specher and Regan found “individuals’ expectations for desirable characteristics were almost always higher for romantic partners than for friends.” Meeting the expectations of a lover distracts people from their personal academic expectations. Some partners become paranoid in long-distance relationships when those high expectations are not met because of the strong social atmosphere in college. When I asked my roommate what types of problems she faced in having a long-distance relationship while in college she replied, “[my boyfriend] would constantly have to know what I was doing or who I was with.” Her boyfriend’s disapproval of her new-found social life caused her to rethink having a long-distance relationship. Young adults have not yet mastered the art of balancing schoolwork and a prominent social life with love, causing their partner’s expectations to be challenged, their romantic relationship to suffer and their stress in college to increase.
Despite roommate tiffs on when a significant other can stay for a visit, first-year college students miss out on social activities on campus because of hurrying off to see their long-distance sweetie. The people on the dorm miss students in committed relationships when they’re gone for the weekend or talking on the phone for hours on end with their lover. I have also witnessed this first hand; when someone tells their friends and acquaintances that they are retreating back home to visit loved ones, one will usually hear a “so I guess that means you’re not attending the hockey game.” People with long-distance relationships in college miss out on the college experience in attempt to maintain those fragile relationships. Students with long-distance sweethearts also directly affect the other students around them by having the significant other visit. Most of the time it is the single roommate’s “choice” to leave while the roommate with the guest staying over for a few nights gives the line, “Don’t worry; it’s not like we’re kicking you out or anything.” Despite noble intentions, many students, including myself, find it uncomfortable and distracting to try to study in the same room as two nostalgic love-birds.
I agree there are benefits of having a long-distance romantic relationship as a college freshman. First, the long distance can make the relationship easier to maintain. Not having to see your partner everyday can mean less drama in the relationship. Second the assertion that not seeing your partner for a long period of time because of the long distance aspect can equate to a stronger, more passionate relationship when you do see each other. Finally— and probably the most enticing reason to be in a long-distance romantic relationship in college—the idea of companionship. As most college students can attest, the first year on campus can be trying and sometimes downright hard. Having someone you can call and vent to, someone you can trust, someone you know is there for you in spite of the fact that you may be miles apart, stands as a strong reason to pursue a long-distance relationship.
However, most students I talk to—even the ones currently in long-distance romantic relationships—agree that keeping a relationship during the first year of college is not a logical decision. I know that people are not robots who live out their lives based on findings from academic journals, but in the words of my neighbor down the hall, “it takes two mature people” to maintain a long-distance romantic relationship in the first year of college—maturity that most 19-year-olds lack. I encourage first year students to take the best of both worlds: savor your college experience by keeping that special person as a close friend to vent to without being in a committed long-distance relationship.
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ReplyDeleteMelina,
ReplyDeleteI really appreciated your post. I think your persuasive outlook was expressively conveyed through your writing. I really liked how you used friends and neighbors as an example with quotes. It was a good go-to source, that as a student, I can relate to. Being in a long distance relationship myself, I also liked how you explained your understanding and observations that although a lot of freshman are in long distance relationships, a majority of those known the facts—it’s not the best option for a freshman. I also appreciated the fact that you expressed an understanding of the opposing view. It was a very good persuasive tool to show, yes you have valid points, but what is the best situation in the long run, and having time you will never get back lost to immature decisions. I really did not see a lack of persuasiveness on your part. While having a somewhat opposing view, you did a fantastic job stating facts about social life and academic struggles that we all can relate to. Perhaps for improvements, you could add to your devil’s advocate paragraph at the end a way to show that although those are good reasons to stay in a relationship, that you could also find that within the university as well. Maybe just revisit that paragraph and find a way to link back to your persuasive claim. Other than that, great job with your piece!
-Emma
What I liked most about this project was the fact that we all were able to write about topics that we were passionate about. I found writing about a subject that I genuinely care about to be more engaging—I found I wanted my writing to reflect and do justice for my topic, which also made this project more challenging than others. I learned that in order to be persuasive one must incorporate all persuasive appeals artfully. People respond better to a writer who incorporates appropriate information and who establishes credibility. Through reading other student’s post, I learned that an appeal to pathos can also be an effective way to persuade an audience, especially when the audience may not have much information or experience with that topic, or when the writer genuinely wants the audience to care more about a certain subject. I mainly relied on ethos to enhance the persuasiveness of my argument; I did this mainly because talking about the topic of relationships requires experience in relationships in order to be persuasive. While I established my ethos well, I would like to work on gaining more facts or testimony other than from my own experience in order to make this a more persuasive piece.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Melina, for a very thoughtful post. I would agree with Emma's response in that I find your ideas very persuasive. You draw well on the academic study to support your ideas, as well as integrating the comments from your peers. One possible way to enhance this piece further (and your ethos, too) might be to suggest at some point (perhaps in the conclusion?) why you think your take on this issue is so important. That is, you might frame your argument as one of concern for the well-being of your peers, that ultimately, choosing to be present here as students and friends benefits everyone and makes campus a more engaging place for everyone? Just a thought.
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